a humble poll

As ETBA (estimated time till baby's arrival) approaches zero, P. and are having to make lots of new, important decisions. They're decisions we unfortunately have to make without all of the information we'd like (this sounds familiar-- it was the same deal with deciding where to take jobs). The biggest one concerns where exactly we should have the baby. We can either have the baby here and then move, or move and then have the baby. But I'm oversimplifying even this. We're not even sure yet whether we'll be able to extend our lease-- if we can't, we have to be out of here no later than June 30. The other variable, of course, involves when exactly the baby will make his arrival. Will he be early or late? On time? It matters.

I've been trying to ask every mother I know to weigh in on this, and I'm getting conflicting advice. Some say that it's definitely better to have baby here if possible and then move. In that case, I won't have to worry about finding a new OB in a new city, and I'll be able to avoid a drive half-way across the country during which we'll have to stop every hour for me to stretch my legs and/or use the bathroom. This camp claims that newborns are very easy to travel with-- that the baby will sleep most of the time, anyway, and that moving 2 weeks after the birth is perfectly do-able. Besides, it's much cheaper to pay another month's rent here than in New City.

A friend in the other camp claims very forcefully that it's better to move as soon as I turn in my final grades, regardless of the expense it takes to do so; that it's infinitely better to travel pregnant with stops every hour than to try moving after the baby's born. Not only might the car trip be more stressful, but it will be very difficult to get settled in with a baby someone's got to hold onto and without a LOT of help on the other end.

So what do you think? Which is the lesser evil?

I'm kinda consumed with work these days, and probably should be grading, even now. I hate how I've neglected this blog, but when I get this way, when I've worked myself into this big blob of stress, I really just don't like who I am or how I write.

The changes coming in these next few months excite me, but also make me verrrry anxious. Sometimes I feel that the way things have worked out is a good thing-- that the situation will force me to try out a nonacademic job which I have sometimes dreamed about. And yet I worry I just don't have the personality to go out and get such a job. I've only ever been in school-- how do I sell myself as something else? I also worry that finding non-academic work means less time with the baby. And then there's also that fear that I'm just not good enough at anything to get a job I might actually like doing/find meaningful.

See? You don't want to read this.