As ETBA (estimated time till baby's arrival) approaches zero, P. and are having to make lots of new, important decisions. They're decisions we unfortunately have to make without all of the information we'd like (this sounds familiar-- it was the same deal with deciding where to take jobs). The biggest one concerns where exactly we should have the baby. We can either have the baby here and then move, or move and then have the baby. But I'm oversimplifying even this. We're not even sure yet whether we'll be able to extend our lease-- if we can't, we have to be out of here no later than June 30. The other variable, of course, involves when exactly the baby will make his arrival. Will he be early or late? On time? It matters.
I've been trying to ask every mother I know to weigh in on this, and I'm getting conflicting advice. Some say that it's definitely better to have baby here if possible and then move. In that case, I won't have to worry about finding a new OB in a new city, and I'll be able to avoid a drive half-way across the country during which we'll have to stop every hour for me to stretch my legs and/or use the bathroom. This camp claims that newborns are very easy to travel with-- that the baby will sleep most of the time, anyway, and that moving 2 weeks after the birth is perfectly do-able. Besides, it's much cheaper to pay another month's rent here than in New City.
A friend in the other camp claims very forcefully that it's better to move as soon as I turn in my final grades, regardless of the expense it takes to do so; that it's infinitely better to travel pregnant with stops every hour than to try moving after the baby's born. Not only might the car trip be more stressful, but it will be very difficult to get settled in with a baby someone's got to hold onto and without a LOT of help on the other end.
So what do you think? Which is the lesser evil?
5 comments:
Part of it is the devil you know vs. the one you don't. You have an idea of what it'll be like for you to make the drive pregnant. The baby is a big X factor: He might sleep well in the car or not (our new girl seems to, but our first one rarely did). If he is a good eater and sleeper, it might be easier to move after the baby comes; if he has colic probably the move before would be easier. You just won't know until the baby is here.
The biggest question isn't the OB, I'd think, but the pediatrican. There are several vaccinations and checkups during that first month and if there are any problems (jaundice that requires light therapy in hospital, for example). So if you do wait to go after the baby is born, you'll need a pediatrician where you are and one in New York.
I'm probably not helping (sorry). When I hit the comment button, I thought I'd be in favor of waiting until post baby's arrival. But now that I think about the pediatrician stuff, I think getting settled in a new city might be easier while he's still prenatal.
I don't have any advice from personal experience to offer. I have a friend, however, who moved at about 8 1/2 months, and, being the person she is, was up and down in the moving truck, to the house, back and forth, etc. etc. I have NO idea how she did and we thought she was insane! Personally I think I'd much rather move pre-birth, and try to get things settled before the new person made their entrance. But that's just me - I'm sure there are pluses either way.
Yeesh, I don't have any advice based on experience -- mine or a friend's -- either. But I agree with New Kid; I think I'd prefer to do the move pre-baby. It's a tough one -- good luck to you!
For me, the big factor with the birth would be making sure I had a practictioner who would help me have the kind of birth experience I wanted -- I have always gone with midwives and alternative birthing centers rather than doctors and hospitals. So I would be looking at that for both locations. That would be a deciding factor for me.
Other than that -- I think you could make it work either way.
I've never had any trouble travelling with a newborn -- both my older kids went on camping trips before they were a week old. And travelling while very pregnant is usually okay so long as you take time for bathroom breaks.
One thing almost sure to happen -- if you choose to have the baby where you are, the baby will come late. If you choose to have the baby after you move, the baby will come early. That's how those things always go ....
My parents moved when I was a week old. I seem to have survived. More or less.
They did it with help from my grandparents, though. Will you have any help available in New City? If not, it might well be easier to move two of you rather than three of you.
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