Wednesday, August 09, 2006

dream

There's a recurring motif in my dream world. It's happened twice now. In the dream I discover I have a second Bino-- it's always a twin sibling of D. In the first dream (a week or more ago now?) I felt very guilty and anxious for having suddenly made this discovery. I hadn't been paying much attention to D's sibling, and I had a hard time even remembering his name-- if I had named him at all. The brother was smaller that D., and thin. I hadn't remembered to nurse him or do much else with him either. I was torn between how to spend my time between nurturing D. and nurturing this new brother, too. In the second dream, the twin bino is even smaller-- about the size of one of my fingers! Same theme. I wake up still anxious.

I can't quite figure out what's going on here. The tininess of the new sibling seems related to all the worries we had about D. at the beginning, though, when he wasn't eating well and had to get his food down a tube. Some of those worries definitely followed us home. In my dream, I'm doing fine with D. (most of the time-- when he's crying and crying I feel like a terrible mother). So why do I seem so afraid of neglecting him?

1 comment:

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