thirty

It happened. I turned thirty. Today's my birthday. So far, nothing feels out of order. Thankfully all the embarrassing stuff (being sung to in restaurants) was taken care of last week. Today feels conspicuously quiet. It's my last day of spring break, so I happily don't have to go into the office today. I did spend an hour or so at Big U. state library, though, and I'm having students over tonight for dinner to talk about a conference panel we're pulling together, so it feels rather un-birthday like. I want to find someway of marking today, just for myself. There needn't be any big celebration, but 30 does feel like a milestone of sorts, and I want to let it sink in. I spent most of last year telling folks I was 28 when they asked, somehow not remembering that I'd passed 29 already. 30 will be less forgettable, I think....

but what does it mean? What am I supposed to feel, now that my twenties are over? Do I rush at all the opportunities this new part of my life will have in store for me? Do I lament all the opportunities I missed out on in my twenties? Both? Neither?

I've never gone backpacking through Europe, or travelled to a new city or country exploring completely on my own (hideous MLA conferences don't count), or joined the Peace Corps, or held a really cool internship. These are things one should do in one's twenties.

I miss the friendships I had in my early twenties, in my college years, and I miss the openness of my mind to new ways of thinking in the first part of graduate school. I miss dancing. I miss late nights out. I miss and largely missed out on cool bars & martinis. (Parenthetical anecdote: as a wedding present, my brother and his wife sent us a blender with some liquor and margarita mix. When I got around to trying things out, I topped off both drinks with olives. whoops.)

I am, however, thrilled to finally be done with my dissertation, to have a "real" (?) job, to be married, to have pets, to be closer to starting my own family.

Instead of waiting for something to happen today, I should've tried to make it happen for myself. I could''ve scheduled a long hike, or invited friends, or gotten a haircut. But maybe writing will suffice.

I'm thirty. No turning back. Time to get on with things, & to cook a nice meal, at least, for my students.