r.i.p.

I'm not quite sure what or how or if to write about this, but I thought I'd give it a go. Sometime this afternoon, a woman I grew up calling "mamaw shorty" died. She's the mother of my uncle (via marriage), not technically my grandmother, but it almost felt like she was. As the moniker might suggest, this side of my family has some roots in the south, and also a penchant for nicknames. (I also had a great aunt "Scootie.") I honestly can't remember what "shorty's" real name is... or even how she got to be called "shorty" in the first place. Was it a pet-name from her husband? Something my cousins started? A name her family called her? I feel like a jerk for not remembering. What I do remember is that she was one of the strongest, spunkiest, and most positive people I've ever been around. For years she's been suffering from arthritis. Though she'd broken a hip multiple times, I can't remember her ever complaining. I can't recall ever seeing her without a smile on her face. So it seems she caught pneumonia, then had a massive stroke while she was hospitalized. She didn't complain about the pneumonia, either; in fact, if it weren't for a son checking in on her, she probably would have died from it at home. Her husband didn't have a clue anything was wrong, only knew that she was too sick to get out of bed and talk on the phone when the son called that day. It's a blessing she didn't stick around longer-- the family was already trying to prepare for some difficult decisions about ventilators, feeding tubes, etc. I can't make it to the funeral, but I've decided to make a donation here.

Now there's a big question of what happens to Shorty's husband. My aunt and uncle (their son) are already housing my grandmother (mom and aunt's mom, who suffer's from Alzheimer's) with them. Shorty's mate has suffered from some sort of dementia for years. It's uncertain if he was even completely aware of the death when it happened.

The whole situation only stirs up another family conflict about what to do with Grma alzheimers. She can't live by herself any more. My parents think she should go to a nursing home; but my aunt can't bring herself to send her. The problem is that whenever my aunt gets tired and needs a break, she can't really get one. My folks refuse to take Grma in for the weekend; they say they can't handle her; they don't have time with their jobs, etc. Very difficult situation, and more complicated than I'll explain here and now, but the worst part of all of it is this: Grma won't be around for much longer, but her daughters will; and it's very sad that this situation is driving a wedge between them. I suppose these conflicts aren't unique, especially in this country, but that's no real consolation at all.